Lose You Forever
by Lysha
Summary: RenxHoro. When it's time for one young Ainu to face up to his heritage, will Ren be forced to reveal his feelings before he loses his love forever? Time is running out...
1. Your Duty

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks for checking out this fic! This is my newest RenxHoro creation (see my profile for my others), and I am still currently writing it. Therefore, if you want to submit any suggestions to me about chapters to come, I am definitely open to them.

**This chapter is, in its original format, supposed to be two seperate chapters. But because they're so short, I added them together. Hence the break line in the middle! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic - please leave a review if you can! It would be very much appreciated.**

**_Dedication: _**This fic draws heavily from the work of another author, MeeLee. I absolutely adore her work, and she inspires my creations alot! I suggest you go read some of her RenxHoro stuff, if you haven't already! So, this creation goes out to her - thanks so much!

_**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Shaman King, or any of the characters.

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**Lose You Forever**

Pirika was the one who brought the news. She had come down to breakfast that morning, quiet and solemn-faced. It took everyone a few moments to hear her over Ren and Horohoro's customary early-morning squabbling.

"And as usual, you kept me awake all night with your incessant snoring!" Ren was yelling, the two Shaman practically nose-to-nose in their conflict.

"Yeah, well, _you're _putting me off my breakfast with your stupid shouting! Just lay off, Ren!" Horo countered.

"What _are _you talking about! You're the one who started all of this, you stupid Ainu!"

"Oh, is that right, Mr I Drank All the Milk and Am Going To Blame It On Horo!"

"I have had enough of you!"

Ren was almost jumping over the table to attack Horo when he finally noticed Pirika at the door. Both of the arguing Shaman froze as they caught sight of her sullen face. Everyone else – all listening intently to Ren and Horo's confrontation – turned to look at her too as she began to speak in a small and wavering voice.

"Horo… it's finally time. I heard from them just now…"

Ren looked with confusion at her paling face to look at Horo, who was still in his fighting stance, eyes wide with shock. The silence fell heavy, Ren looking from sibling to sibling. No one else spoke a word, not even to ask what Pirika was talking about. Uneasy glances diverted themselves gradually.

Ren stared at Horo, watching as he slowly nodded in downcast recognition and followed his sister out of the room, head bowed, not looking at any of the others.

Ren was left, glaring after him, fists still raised from their fight.

The others said nothing; the sound of cutlery clinking together was heard as they continued their morning meal.

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"You mean it happened _today_? Sheesh… those elders waste no time, do they?" 

"Be _serious_, Onii-chan! This is important, to our family, and to our elders too."

Ren couldn't help himself. Leaning against a wall outside of Horo's room, he listened to the siblings' hushed conversation going on inside. Though the door was open just a little, Ren dared not look around the frame in case he was spotted. He settled for silently eavesdropping, trying to make sense of their words.

He heard a sigh from Horo. "So… when do they want us there?"

"Considering how far we came to get here, they're saying ten days. They want us back there by then."

"Fine… we'll make the preparations, then we'll leave."

"When are you going to tell the others?"

A short silence fell, followed by a few heavy footsteps on the wooden boards. "Perhaps it's best if we don't tell them at all."

Before Ren could react to move away from his hiding place, Horo's face was at the door. Ren tensed up, more than prepared for another confrontation in retaliation to his eavesdropping. He was met with a sideways glance from sorrowful black eyes, and silence.

Worried as he was, Ren was determined, as ever, not to show it. "Aren't you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked, snidely.

"It doesn't concern you," Horo retaliated in the same cold tone.

Before Ren knew it, Horo had continued down the corridor and out of sight. He just stayed there, listening to the sound of Pirika opening and closing closets in her room.

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_**Author's Note:**_ I'll add up the next chapter very soon - I know this chapter leaves you hanging quite a bit. For now, let me know what you think! Thanks. 


	2. Diamond Sky

**_Author's Note: _Thanks for all your reviews, guys! And DayDrEaMiNg-child - interesting guesses! Although, they were a little off. Don't worry, this chapter, you will find out exactly what is going on. By the way, as a side-note... I know nothing about the Ainu tribe history and customs. Well, I know a little, but not enough to write a whole fic based around it. So, for now, I hope the things I wrote here are good enough to pass - just don't trust me to take a Japanese history lesson! Again, please leave a review if you read! Thanks.**

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It was the middle of the night when Ren found himself in the corridor leading to Pirika's room once again.

He couldn't sleep – he was troubled. He didn't know exactly what was going on with the Ainu siblings, but he knew it couldn't be something good. Not by the way Horo had looked when Ren had seen him earlier. Both Pirika and her brother looked over-worried – concerned, withdrawn. Neither of them had shown up to dinner that night, but no one had said anything about it. Ren had just sat there, picking silently at his food as everyone else laughed and joked, ignorant to the situation. He knew how Yoh was; if something wasn't his business he'd ignore it until it was time for him to find out. He was just abiding by his morals, Ren supposed. The others just followed suit. Still, Ren couldn't help wanting to yell at them all, cursing them for being so ignorant of this whole situation… whatever it was. The anxiety in Horo's eyes had too been apparent in Ren's.

His unrest, and the fact that Horo's bed was still empty had made his curiosity get the better of him, and he now found himself passing Pirika's room, as though trying to listen out for anything more – hoping somewhat that the siblings were together, discussing this in more detail, so they would unknowingly divulge more information to him.

However, when he reached the door that was Pirika's room, he found nothing but silence. The lights in the room were shut off.

He didn't even think of going back to his own room – Ren was determined, and when he had his mind set, there was no changing it; he would chase his plan through to the end. He was going to find out what this secret was - by tonight, no less – regardless of what he had to do to discover it. Besides… he was sure he had one more place to try to look for Horo…

He reached the stairs to the roof not long after. This was the only place he hadn't tried. Ren waited at the bottom for a few moments, contemplating. He knew what he wanted to ask – it was _how_ to ask it that was the problem. Deciding that dwelling on it would do him no good, he took the first few steps upwards. Taking a few more, he emerged on to the roof at eye-level.

It was as he had guessed – Horo was there.

The blue-haired Shaman was lying back on the slant of the roof, arms behind his head, watching the sky.

Ren took a direct and confident walk towards him, sitting down a little distance away from him.

He didn't even turn to look at Ren until he sat down. And when he did, he barely cast his black eyes Ren's way before returning them once more to the star-filled sky.

"What are you doing up here at this hour?" Ren snapped, saving himself the trouble of finding meaningful words to say.

"This is the best time to be up here," Horo shrugged, eyes fixed skyward.

Ren fell silent, not sure how to respond. He wasn't used to having his challenges met with a calm answer, especially not from Horo.

After a moment, Horo turned his head to look at Ren. "What are _you _up here for?"

"I…" Ren trailed off. Unknowingly, his golden eyes fell towards Horo's face. Their gazes met.

Both diverted their eyes just as suddenly, as Ren turned his face away, cheeks flushing. Eyes narrowed, he cursed himself for allowing to get so uncomfortable, like he always was… around him…

Although Ren's nature made him generally on-edge most of the time, it more so happened around Horo. He felt more need to be alert, keep a sharp tongue and stay on his guard. Deep down, he knew why. Keeping up this affront meant Horo couldn't see Ren's _real_ feelings – that soft shimmer in his eyes…

He was spared the job of saying something as Horo sighed. "I suppose you wanna know what's going on, don't you? Well, you're the first one that's actually tried to ask, which I'll give you some credit for…"

"Wait a minute!" Ren protested, folding his arms defiantly. "I haven't even suggested such a thing!"

"Heh… you can't kid me, Ren. I know you too well," Horo said.

Ren's eyes widened, and his tense posture relaxed a little as he took in those words. He didn't dare look back towards Horo – who knew if he would get caught stealing a glance at his face…?

"So, is that the reason?" Horo questioned again.

"Yes," Ren softened a little, eyes falling to the tiles beneath him.

"Then you should have just asked me instead of creeping around me like that."

This was enough to bring Ren's temper back. He shot Horo a glare. "I _did_ ask you earlier, you dolt! But you chose to ignore me."

Horo gave an embarrassed laugh. "Yeah, I suppose I did… I guessed I wasn't ready to say anything then."

"Oh, and you are now?" Ren raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe…"

"Why don't you give me a straight answer for once!" Ren yelled. Somehow, feeling angry now felt much better than feeling anxious.

Horo laughed again, nerves slightly edging his voice. "I'm just kidding… it's kinda fun to see you angry."

Ren was about to retaliate once more, until he looked towards Horo. Seeing the gentle expression on his face – still star-gazing, small smile on his lips – Ren thoughts started to slow themselves, making him realise that exploding at Horo wasn't going to help him achieve what he had came here for. Funny how Horo could always help him do that. "Ignoring your last comment…" Ren refused to drop the icy edge to his voice. "I heard you saying earlier that you weren't going to tell anyone what was going on."

"You've really gotta stop your eavesdropping." Horo grinned.

Ren looked accused.

"But yeah, I did say that," Horo continued, smile fading now. "But I want to tell you."

"Oh, am I some kind of exception, then?" Ren gave him a sideward glance.

"Where shall I start?" Horo said, blatantly ignoring Ren's last words.

Realising he was about to find out now what it was he longed to know, Ren decided not to chase his last question further. He cast his eyes out at the horizon. "The beginning would be nice."

"Well…" Horo took a deep breath. "You know I come from up North, from the Ainu tribe, right?"

"Yes…" Ren nodded, not sure where this story was going.

"In the tribe, we have a ring of elders, who kind of like, lead the others. I suppose you could call them a kind of council. Then we have the elder above them who has control over all - the council _and_ the tribesmen. Pirika received a Koroppo Kuru this morning telling her that our leader at the moment… had passed away."

Ren heard Horo's voice falter slightly, and he folded his arms tighter around himself. "And what does this have to do with you?"

"When the leader passes away, the highest member of the council must step up to take his place. That's what's happened this time around too, and that's all been organized now."

"I'm still failing to see the problem here," Ren said, impatiently.

Horo continued, ignoring Ren's interruptions. "When a member of the council leaves, they must be replaced. But it can't just be anyone, so we have to abide by an age-old custom to choose.

"Our culture's based around nature, and we use a kind of cycle system to choose our next councillors, like the wheel of nature that turns through the seasons. The people chosen can only be from one of six families – a member of the council is chosen from each of those families, in order. So, for example, the first time a council member leaves, the Poro family are chosen. The next time it happens, a member of the Kokoron family is elected. The next time, the Roko family… you get it?"

Ren nodded, silent. These tribe customs were somewhat beyond him.

"And as you can probably guess, this time… it's my family's turn. The council mixes and matches generations to keep the blood running young as well as old. And considering its our generation's turn this time… me and Pirika are gonna be gone for a while."

Suddenly, it hit Ren – what Horo was trying to say. "You'll… both be back, won't you?"

Horo shook his head, solemnly. "Afraid not… the person elected to the council must stay in the village. After all, they need to guide the tribesmen."

Ren's head began to spin. Horo was leaving them_ – for good._ He was returning to his family, to his heritage, to become the newest council member of the Ainu tribe… but for him to leave Ren…

He hurriedly squinted back tears. Tears of what exactly? Anger, fear… sadness?

"How… how long do you have before you go?" Ren tried to steady his voice; didn't want Horo to know he cared so much. He bent his head to ensure Horo didn't see him looking so pathetic.

"They'll need us there in ten days, so to get there in time, we're only gonna have a week to prepare. Then we leave," Horo explained, sitting upright.

A heavy, tense silence set over them as Ren thought this through and through… it all seemed too sudden. Though he was normally one to quickly come back against shocks such as this… he was finding the transition quite hard this time.

"I'm… gonna go to bed now…" he heard Horo say, before he carefully walked past Ren and descended the stairs.

Ren kept his head down so that Horo didn't see that sorrowful look in his eyes. He didn't move an inch, not even for the next few hours.

As morning broke, the rising sun reflected in the puddle of tears that lay now at his feet.

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**_Author's Note: _Update very soon!**


	3. Day 1: Nightmares

**_Author's Note: _Thank you again for all your reviews, and for your positive comments! Well, from this point in the story onwards, the chapters go along in days - one chapter tells the events of one day. As Horo has seven days before he leaves, there will be seven more chapters in total (including this one), and I'm considering putting two more chapters after that. Anyway, about this chapter: I didn't realise until a few days ago that the events here are actually very close to what happens in one of MeeLee's RenxHoro fics... well, I hope you don't mind me kind of borrowing your ideas, MeeLee... your fics have been so good they made a subconscious effect on me! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one! Please leave another review, if you can. Thank you so much!**

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Before Ren knew it, the next day had risen, and the countdown to Horohoro's departure had begun.

Just as they were yesterday, everybody else seemed none the wiser. Horo obviously meant what he said – he wasn't going to tell anyone but Ren.

Ren left the roof to arrive downstairs in time for breakfast. Without thinking, he sat down absent-mindedly at the table, the other's jokes and laughter washing right over him. Horo was sitting there too, in usual place just opposite. Ren refused to look at him, although he could feel Horo's midnight eyes upon him.

Ryu and Chocolove seemed to be at each other's necks this morning, to make up for Ren and Horo's silence.

"But Ryu…" Chocolove was whining. "Jokes are like eggs – they're just waiting to be cracked!"

"That was even worse than your last one!" Ryu fumed. "You can't even _call _that a joke!"

"You just don't appreciate my comical wit," Chocolove grinned, standing up from the table.

Ryu followed suit. "You _have _no comical wit!"

Ren stared down at the bowl Manta had placed in front of him. The pressure of Horo's stare made him feel very uncomfortable, and Ryu and Chocolove's confrontation blaring away didn't help his situation. Horo's glare was firm, boring right through him, as though he was expecting something…

"I'd like to see you outmatch me in a battle of strength!"

"Just because you know you wouldn't beat me in a battle of humour!"

"A lunchbox could make me laugh more than you!"

"Why, would it just _sandwich _you with jokes?"

"That's the last of your pathetic jokes I am going to tolerate!"

"Bring it, hair-freak!"

"All of you… just be QUIET!"

Immediately, everything fell silent. Everybody stopped in the middle of their actions – Ryu seizing Chocolove by the shirt, Manta serving more food into Tamao's bowl, Yoh with a mouthful of food – all turned to look at Ren, who was standing up, shoulders slumped over, breathing heavy, eyes cast down and fists clenched. Everyone knew he had a short temper, but no one had expected him to explode like that.

"Ren, buddy-" Yoh began.

"Just let me be…" Ren snapped, wearily, walking quickly out of the room and storming up the stairs.

Everyone stared after him, shock written on their faces.

Banging into his room, Ren slammed the door closed behind him, then slumped to the floor in a pathetic heap, back square against the door.

His heart sank with shame as he imagined the look on Horo's face just now. Why did his temper always get the better of him like that?

Though he supposed it didn't matter much – the others would just dismiss it as another one of his anger flares and think no more of it, and Horo… even if Ren did make a fool of himself in front of him, it wasn't as if he'd be around much longer to judge Ren because of it…

Ren gripped his head with his hands, whole body numb. What was happening to him? Only hearing a little news from someone, and he was getting like _this_…?

Ren breathed heavier into his hands. _But Horo isn't just _someone_, is he? _a small part of his mind remarked. He pushed it away, exhausted in both body and spirit. He blamed it on taking no sleep last night, though he knew deep down that was far from the reason.

Lifting up his head slightly, he saw, through the small strands of purple hair that fell into his eyes, his bed. Without even making a conscience decision, he doggedly pulled himself up from the floor and walked over to his bed. Letting his muscles turn lax, he slumped down on to it, eyes closing on his silent room. Though he felt as though he could sleep for ages, a part of his mind just didn't seem to want to rest. He could still feel it racing, flashing images and thoughts on the backs of his eyelids.

Sharply pulling the covers right up over himself, over his head, he fought against them, desperately trying to reach sleep, where he knew no thinking was necessary.

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_A dream… _Ren told himself_. A dream, that's all…_

_Filling his eardrums was the steady beat of traditional tribal music. He tried not to focus on it as it pounded through his head. Looking around himself, he saw the colourful decorations of Northern tribes – wood-made, handcrafted and all adorned with the strange emblems of Gods from the natural world. Looking down at himself, he could see that even he was garbed in peculiar Ainu clothing. He could see a small crowd gathered around him, all dressed the same way he was. All of them were kneeling down, expectantly watching a small wooden stage set out in front of them. It was obvious something was about to happen. _

_Suddenly, a small and dignified procession came in to view. A cloud of tiny Koroppo Kuru spirits floated serenely on to the stage structure, followed by a group of fourteen graceful Ainus, all adorned in the purest white._

_Without even putting a single second of thought into it, Ren recognised the group as the Ainu council that Horo had told him about. He did not know why he even cared._

_The others around him bowed their heads respectfully. He decided not to follow them. _Why should I bow? This is just a dream, after all… _he told himself._

_With a few more harsh notes, the music came to an abrupt end, as two more people stepped on to the stage. One of them was old and tall, and he was wearing what Ren supposed was the attire of the Ainu elder. Following him, wearing the traditional white, was Horo._

_Ren's eyes widened as he watched him take his place alongside the other council members, expression stone-cast._

_The music began again, easing from nothing into a serene, almost sacred-sounding tune._

_The elder stepped forward and began to address the crowd in a foreign tongue that Ren could not understand. He clenched his fists as he watched the ritual appointment unfold in front of him. He could not follow the strange Ainu chanting that followed, and could not even smile happily like the others that were watching the ceremony. In fact, smiling was the last thing he wanted to do. Horo – the only one he ever cared for – was merely feet away from him, taking part in a tradition that would bind him away from Ren forever._

_He couldn't suppress the thoughts any longer. All ideas of this only being a dream had escaped him now – all he cared for was Horo's beaming face just in front of him, joining the tribe's council. Ren hated all of this; all of this tribal music, their beautiful decorations and the traditional clothes even he himself was dressed in, the unfair Ainu customs, the fact that Horo could _smile _through all of this…_

_Before he could stop himself, he was on his feet in the centre of the kneeling crowd, yelling out, "Stop this!"…_

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**_Author's Note: _I'll update soon!**


	4. Day 2: Feelings Let Loose

**_Author's Note: _Sorry for over-due update... but, at the same time, thank you very much for all your positive reviews so far! I really appreciate them! Okay, this chapter is very short, but I will put the next one up in a couple of days to make up for it! Thanks for your patience, everyone!**

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He was awoken sharply. Feeling an ice-cold sweat break over him, he tried to steady his forced breathing.

_A dream, that was all. _

He clutched at his own hands as he felt a tear slide down his face. It was a _dream_… why was he crying?

Agitated with himself, he harshly threw back the blanket of his bed and got to his feet. Mind racing itself dizzy, he was unsure of even where to start his day. Brushing a tear away sharply with the back of his hand, he decided hurriedly that he wanted to go outside.

Doing everything just as spontaneously, he pulled on some clothes with no thought at all. It took him just as long to step out into the corridor…

…and come face-to-face with Horo.

He didn't even stop to look at him. Breaking into a quick march, he strode straight past him.

"Hey, Ren. Wait up!" he heard Horo call to him. Then, a hand on his shoulder.

He threw his arm back to knock him off. "I have no reason to speak to you!" he shouted, barely stopping for a moment before taking off again.

Feeling his fingernails digging into his own palm he heard Horo following him up the corridor. "So you're not even gonna hear me out?"

"No!"

"I know there's something up with you. Just look at how you acted at breakfast yesterday. Then you go and sleep the entire day and don't wake up until now. I wanted to come and talk to you last night, but the others said it was best if we all left you alone for now-"

"Just stop your useless rambling!" Ren called back at him. Speaking of the others… he could now hear them clearly, talking and laughing around the breakfast table. Before he knew it, he had stepped into the room where they were all assembled, all in their own peaceful little worlds, just the way he had left them the previous morning. He didn't catch eye contact with any of them as they watched him cross the room. Ren kept his eyes focused on the door he was heading towards that lead outside.

Caught off guard, he wasn't prepared enough to fight against the force of a strong push at his shoulder. He staggered backwards a few steps before hitting the wall.

Horo stood in front of him, quite close. His head was slightly bowed but his words were clear. "You know, if you need to talk… I'll always be here to listen, Ren."

Shimmering golden eyes locked on him, the moment froze as his words washed over Ren. He almost considered saying everything, telling Horo everything he felt… he _wanted_ Horo to be there to listen, just like he was at that moment. Hearing the words from Horo himself made Ren feel so hopeful now, so peaceful inside…

His gaze turned solid again as he saw the others' curious eyes staring their way. Pushing Horo away with all the force he could muster, he began his march once again. "I don't need to talk to anyone, especially not the likes of you! Just leave me alone!"

Pushing the door open, he stormed outside, leaving it to slam closed behind him. He collapsed on to the grass, shivering.

"What is that moron thinking?" Ren thought aloud, hate in his words. "He thinks I'd want to talk to _him_?"

He knew too well that he was lying to himself. He remembered how much he longed to talk to Horo, to tell him. But to say that in front of the others… Ren didn't want them getting the idea that he_ cared_ at all, about anyone… especially not Horo.

_Now _what would the others think…?

Feeling anger surge up inside him once more, he drove his fist into the floor with a raging sob, no longer able to suppress the empty tears that threatened.

He was sure he was at his limit.

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**_Author's Note: _That was the short events of Day 2! Sorry it's taking me so long to update, but I've been really busywith my RenxHoro fansite! If anyone wants to take a look, check my profile for the link. I've worked long and hard on it, so I'd appreciate some feedback if you could spare the time. Thank you very much! Also, a big thanks to DayDrEaMiNg-child for her help and support - it means so much!**


	5. Day 3: A Way to Vent?

**_Author's Note:_Next day, next chapter!I hope you enjoy it.**

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"Fight me."

"What…?"

"You heard me the first time. I want to fight you," Ren said, simply.

Horo stared back at him, dumbstruck. "What is _with _you, Ren?"

"Nothing is 'with' me. I just gave you a simple request," his kwan dao in hand, Ren gave Horo a challenging stare. "So, do you accept?"

Horo sighed. "I don't know what this is about, but sure; you're on!"

He watched Horo's black eyes glint with competition, a keen smile passing his face. Ren knew he wouldn't turn down a chance to fight – and he was glad of it too. Ever since Horo had told him the secret of his going away, Ren had just found himself getting more and more angry, with anything and everything. Now he had had a revelation: perhaps the way to vent his anger was to take it out on the one who was hurting him in the first place? And at the moment, so much fury coursed through him he felt as though he could tear right through Horo's skin.

"Very well, then," Ren nodded, walking with determination back out into the yard. "Follow me when you're ready to lose."

It was only a few minutes later when the yard of the inn was filled with the blinding blue and yellow colours of Ren and Horo's Oversouls.

"Chuuka Zanmai!" Ren cried, leaping toward Horo with his kwan dao raised.

Horo reacted fast, sending a blast of cold air to push himself out of the way of Ren's attack.

The blade of Ren's weapon fell straight into the ground, landing in the earth with a sharp thud. Pulling it out, he took another swooping dive at Horo.

"Scatter Sleet Shower!"

Tiny fractures of ice flew through the air from Horo's Oversoul towards Ren. Against the flurry of the ice, Ren couldn't block them all. Spinning his kwan dao around to deflect them, a few escaped his blade, nicking his skin and raising a few tiny cuts on his arms and face.

This didn't faze Ren – nothing could now. He was absorbed in the fight, flame of competition burning bright. He knew this was what he wanted. Battle was where he wanted to be. He was so focused, the only words he spoke were orders for Bason to attack. The glint of his weapon reflected the raging fury in Ren's eyes. The whole world disappeared around him – the only ones left now were he and Horo, in what was now a battlefield, their fight raging. Both were fighting with all they were worth, testing, pushing one another. Still, hatred seemed quite far from the emotion that was driving the battle.

After unleashing a Golden Vorpal Dance strike on his opponent, Ren saw Horo was too busy dodging the speed of his kwan dao to block another blow. Sub-consciously, he twisted the kwan dao around in his hand, taking another sweep at Horo.

As he hit the floor, Horo closed his eyes, shielding his face as he saw the attack come. He was defenceless.

The weapon sliced the air with speed and precision. It stopped just before hitting Horo, the blunt end of the kwan dao inches away from his body.

Horo dared to risk a glance when the attack he was expecting didn't come. Ren was standing above him, his face cast down so shadows covered his eyes from view. Panting with exhaustion, Ren quickly withdrew his weapon and turned around.

"Looks like I win, once again," he said, walking away.

Horo stared after him for a moment, taking in what had happened. He smiled to himself as he watched Ren disappear back inside the inn.

Walking past Anna, who was watching TV; Manta, who was scrubbing floors in the hall; Ryu and Chocolove, racing down the stairs throwing angry insults at one another, and finally, Yoh in the upstairs hall, Ren got to his room, closing the door behind him. Having hardly taken notice of anyone else's presence as he walked the through the house, just as they had to him, he let out a short laugh that he had been keeping inside himself since he had left the yard. He laughed quietly – unsure himself of what he found funny.

It was just that, after that fight, Ren felt so much more at ease within himself. Maybe it _had_ been just what he needed. And what's more, he had won. He felt as though he had somehow conquered demons that were holding him back from feeling himself again. Being in battle had reminded him exactly who he was.

But even though he had won, he had not even the strength to stroke the finishing blow – even if it was not to be a fatal one. He had even resorted to using the blunt end of the kwan dao to attack. Placing his weapon now in its usual place, he sat down beside it on the floor. He couldn't stop the smile from passing over his face. He should have known himself better. As much as he might have _thought_ he would have liked to hurt Horo for what he was unknowingly putting Ren through, Ren should have known he would never even dream of hurting Horo in reality. His rage always made his mind think things that were against his nature, and this time was no different. Still, he had no regrets about challenging Horo – in fact, he was glad he had done so.

Now, he felt he had cleared his mind. Perhaps now was the time for Ren to think.

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**_Author's Note: _I will make another update very soon! Please leave a review, if you have the time?  
I want to say thanks to Lugga for feedback - it's much appreciated! **


	6. Day 4: The Way We Are

**_Author's Note: _Yay, another update! Again, same scenario as last time - next day, next chapter! Hope you enjoy.**

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Ren's mood did not shift the following day – though of course his happiness was never really evident on the outside.

It was morning, and he was heading out into the yard to train once again. Since yesterday's battle with Horo, he had felt quite restless. Stepping out of his room and into the corridor, Ren turned the corner in his own world – so much so that he bumped – quite literally – into Horo.

Horo stumbled a little, then went on the defensive, knowing Ren was likely to explode at him.

Ren just carried on. "Just keep walking, you stupid Ainu. And if you're lucky I won't give you another beating like yesterday."

Horo stared after Ren's back, wide-eyed. He had almost heard a smile in Ren's voice.

"Yes, shrimp. You _are _doing the chores today," Ren could hear Anna's voice from within one of the rooms as he passed. She was undoubtedly talking to Manta. "Horohoro's busy today."

"And you're letting him get away with not doing the chores because of that!" Manta exclaimed, obviously not able to believe the injustice. "It's his turn today!"

"Of course he's not getting away with it… he'll be doing them tomorrow instead."

"What's Horo doing today, anyway?"

"Beats me. But by the sound of it, he'll be out all day."

Out of earshot, Ren heard no more of the conversation. It seemed as though Horo was making preparations for his journey back home. What else could he be busy doing? After all, only three days remained before Horo would be leaving for home.

He tried not to think of it. Stepping outside, he felt the sun beating down upon his skin. The sky was cloudless, and the sun was full, bright and radiating a gentle heat upon the yard. He had prepared himself for training today – something he somehow longed for since the events of yesterday. He had already gathered what he needed and had assembled it outside.

Ren eyed the targets he had set up, the hand that held his kwan dao twitching instinctively. For a moment, he paused. Blinking against the sun's rays, he looked up once again at the sky. So blue and clear today… so peaceful…

He gave his weapon a sideward glance, and then propped it up against the wall with care.

A moment later, he was pulling himself up on to the roof of the inn. He had seen Horo do it before, and he knew the route to climb. Carefully, he placed his feet where he had watched Horo place his, hands shadowing the same places. Nearing the top, he was able to stretch his arms out and lift himself up on to the roof. He sat down on it heavily, legs hanging precariously over the edge. He hadn't realised that the roof was this high up – but somehow, it felt _good _to be here, as though nothing and no one could reach him. He looked down at his targets – a meaningless assembly of nothing was all he saw, his view changed by his perspective. As he looked down upon them, wondering to himself, a gentle breeze began to play through the air. He closed his eyes, letting it wash over him, suddenly aware of his surroundings. Now he understood why Horo sat up here so often.

Speaking of Horo… from the main gates, he saw Horo and Pirika leaving the inn, talking in hushed voices together. Engaged in what was obviously an important discussion, they didn't see him watching them from up there. Ren tilted his head to the side as he watched them heading away from Flame Inn, away from him. It was strange – even Horo looked different to him up here. He blushed slightly as he found himself staring at the Ainu's perfect face. Different he may seem, but no less of an angel to Ren as he always had been.

As the siblings left Ren's sight, he looked up and over, out at the town of Funbari. It looked so distant, like a whole other world out there. The sky stretched on for eternity; so far he couldn't see its end.

Suddenly feeling challenged in a whole new way from how he was used to, he jumped forward, using his arms to push himself from the rooftop. He landed perfectly, cat-like, on the ground.

Gracefully getting to his feet, he scanned the yard with his golden eyes. The emerald colours of the surrounding trees seemed much more vivid than they had before. As he watched the trees ripple with the wind, he thought back to the training course he had planned for himself. Suddenly, it seemed pointless.

Walking straight past them without so much as a second glance, he already knew where he was headed.

As quietly as he could, he went back through the main door into the inn. Thankfully, no one was around – he couldn't let anyone see him. He crept up the stairs, half expecting to bump into Manta or one of the others, running errands for Anna, as they normally seemed to be. Reaching the door, he took a few uneasy glances around –having seen Horo leave the inn, he was sure it would be safe, but it might not be if someone else caught him.

Sure no one was around, he pushed the door open slowly. The first thing that hit him was the smell – like a mixture of freshly carved wood with the sweet smell of ripened fruit. It was a scent Ren loved – made him feel so warm inside, at peace. Taking a deep breath of this smell, he entered, closing the door quietly behind him.

Horo's room.

Entering this place was like stepping into a different dimension for Ren. He recalled visiting here for brief moments before, but he had never really stopped to admire the feeling of peace that surrounded Horo's room. On one of the small tables sat a collection of things – all tribal designs, Ren thought inwardly. He felt almost drawn to them, and a moment later, he was standing in front of the collection, casting intrigued golden eyes over each handcrafted object. He looked at the carves in a small wooden charm Ren recalled was known as an Ikupasui. Though he didn't consider himself an expert on tribal crafts, he knew the marks and patterns in the wood had been made by Horo himself. He took the Ikupasui into his hand, admiring the smoothness of the carving and the intricate decoration. He ran his fingers over the grooves, looking at the Ikupasui against the roughness of his skin. His palms were scarred and blistered from training, hardened for battle. He pictured Horo, working away at carving the small object that Ren now held in his fingers, skilled hands moving quickly over the wood, carving into it those delicate and beautiful patterns. It made Ren wonder.

He clutched the Ikupasui close to his chest, and cast his eyes over the other items gathered on the table, all of Ainu origin. Horo had made them all – small Koroppo Kuru tombstones engraved with images of lily pads and rain; feathered jewellery encrusted with small, natural-looking stones; rock tablets bearing strange foreign characters…

It all seemed such a mystery to Ren. Though he knew little about the Ainu tribe itself, their ways and customs fascinated his endlessly. They were so at peace with nature, so caring and respectful in all that they did. He almost envied Horo for having Ainu blood running though his veins.

Ikupasui still clutched to his heart, Ren sat down on the bed, mind chasing thoughts. And he… what did he have?

He had the _Taos _to call a legacy. He bore with him generations of hatred, scorn and mistrust; centuries of war, struggle and destruction… he honoured his ancestors and all they did – he would forever live to uphold the Tao name. But thinking of the way the Ainus were… it seemed a shame that his own family could not live like that, at harmony with both spirits and humans alike.

To him at the moment, the differences between he and Horo seemed so imminent it was inescapable. Even as far down as their ancestry, things were different between them – they had been taught how to live in contrasting ways; Horo had been taught to love, whereas he had been taught to hate. Their ways of life even now seemed so opposing, with Ren living to fight, become the best, strongest… and Horo who lived to _live_, respecting and caring for all nature. Just being in this room made Ren wonder why he had never taken the time to stop for a moment and take note of his surroundings before.

Ren hadn't even noticed that, while he wondered these things, he had gently lowered himself, and was now lying, knees tucked up to his chest, on Horo's bed. Ikupasui still clasped close to him, his breathing slowed as he inhaled Horohoro's scent from the pillow he lay his head on. He found himself slowly slipping into a serene sleep.

* * *

**_Author's Note: _Thanks again to all of my reviewers so far! You've been so supportive. Reviews for this chapter would be appreciated greatly.  
Another update coming very soon!**


	7. Day 5: Found

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry for the short chapter, but seeing as I have exam leave this week (AKA fic-writing time!) I should have anotherupdate for you very soon! Thanks, everyone!

* * *

The room swam into view as he felt his mind awaken from its daze. It took him a few moments to realise where he was. But feeling the hard wooden touch of the Ikupasui in his hands, he knew.

Slowly, he rose from the bed, eyes opening fully to see a large round moon outside the window…

…and a pair of deep black eyes, staring at him from across the room.

Ren jumped off the bed instinctively. He might have missed those eyes, had they not been flecked out by the silvery moonlight. He saw the person that the eyes belong to get to their feet, on the level with him.

"What… were you doing in here, Ren?" came Horohoro's voice across the room, edged with an inquisitive tone.

Ren almost flinched hearing his voice, followed by footsteps on the wooden floor. Horo had stepped into the square of light cast out by the window.

"What concern is it of yours?" Ren snapped, not even considering his words before he spoke them.

"Well, you were in my room, in my bed, holding my Ikupasui. I think this does concern me, don't you?" Horo's voice was not angry – more curiosity filled his words than fury.

"It doesn't even matter," Ren snapped, after a moment. In one swift move, he tossed the Ikupasui to the ground – where it thudded against the floorboards and skidded to a halt – before he set off at an angry march towards the door.

"Ren-"

"I said _it doesn't matter!"_ Ren yelled back, cutting Horo short. He slammed the door closed behind him.

The sharp return of his anger felt so sudden after his calmer emotions had taken yield of him for most of that day. His mind raced with only one question – _what next?_

He doubted this was something that Horo would drop so easily. How could he explain himself now? It wasn't as if he could deny it.

I was there because I wanted to be near you?

I was there because I _liked _to be?

I was there because I _love _you…?

All kinds of different ways of explaining the truth flew through his head all at once, and as he stormed down the corridor away from Horo's room, he threw them all away furiously, one after another. He decided Horo wouldn't understand.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ I hope you enjoyed this chapter__ If you could leave a review, I'd really appreciate it!


	8. Day 6: Chores

**_Author's Note: _**Okay, so I'm gonna have to apologise for another short chapter. I realised a few weeks ago that this was the fault with this fic - the action just went by too quickly, making my chapters short! So, in my newest RenxHoro story, I've made the chapters all around the same length, as long as possible. And trust me, it's alot better than this one! I'm thinking about putting up the first chapter of the said RenxHoro fic today, so please check it out if you are interested! It goes by the name of 'Shattered'.

To make up for the short chapter, I'm putting two up today. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Ren looked down scornfully at the broom in his hand. Anna had taken the liberty of granting him the chores for the day. He rested for a moment on the handle, narrowing his eyes at the already spotless floor. Why Anna insisted someone clean it every day, he didn't know. And on top of that, he had even more chores to do after he had finished his current task.

"Hey, Ren. Could you do me a favour?"

Ren lifted his gaze from the floor to see Horo's face in front of him, a pleading smile on his face.

Ren just glared back at him, waiting to hear his proposition.

"I know I'm supposed to be covering for half the chores today, but I've really gotta go into town…"

Ren already knew what Horo was going to ask of him. Still saying nothing, he raised an eyebrow – a slight indication for Horo to continue.

"Would you fetch the groceries today in my place?" Horo begged, head bowed and hands clasped, pleading. "The grocery store is on the other side of town from where I need to be!

Ren sighed impatiently. "And why should I even _consider _doing this for you?"

"Thanks, Ren. I'll pay you back sometime."

He did not answer, fury building as Horo jumped to his usual assumptions.

Obviously knowing it was not wise to stick around any longer, Horo stuffed a small piece of paper into Ren's hand, and darted out of the house, calling, "Later!"

Ren watched him leave, his fist tightening and crushing the piece of paper in his hand. He looked at it furiously as Horo disappeared out of the yard gates. A shopping list, he thought. Suddenly, a stronger wave of rage came over him, and, looking at the paper once more, he screwed it up into a ball. A second later, he had tossed it into the trash.

"Baka Ainu…" he muttered to himself, returning to his chores.

Let Horo do Anna's push-ups by himself.


	9. Day 7: I Needed to Say

**_Author's Note: _**This chapter comes with a major **fluff alert**! (Finally... I thought we'd never get to the soppy stuff!) Yeah, so.. don't kill me - I'm a fluff-writer, what can I say?XD

Also, while typing up this chapter (yeah, I write my stories by hand, would you believe?) I realised that it could have been done alot better. Maybe someday I'll rewrite it... hmm...

* * *

One day remained until Horo's departure. 

_And good riddance, _Ren thought as he put the last of the bowls away. For the second day in a row, he had been stuck with the chores because of Horo. Tonight, Anna had told him to do the dishes – a task he carried out with a scornful expression. All day, he found himself in an awful mood. He knew deep down that it wasn't because he was angry with Horo; it was more to do with the fact that Horo would be leaving Funbari Onsen tomorrow – _for good._ And still, Ren had not been able to breathe a word of the way he felt, either because Horo had not taken any notice of Ren's hidden hints, or because Ren had been so angry with him recently he hadn't been able to express the way he really felt. No matter how much he told himself he was happy with Horo leaving, he knew he could never truly feel that way.

Leaning on the sideboard, he stared out of the window at the clouded night sky. The dishes had taken him so long that everyone had gone to bed. Horo had disappeared hours before, complaining of being ill. Pirika had left soon afterwards. Only Ren knew the truth; in order to get back to their village on time, they would be leaving in the early hours of the morning. They needed their rest.

As Ren had watched Horo leave the table, he had wondered to himself if that was to be the last time he saw the one he loved…

He felt his eyes begin to prickle with unexpected tears. He closed his eyes sharply, desperately willing them away. The stars shone down on his sorrowful face, as tears left stains on his cheeks. For a few moments, he stood there, crying to himself.

Had he lost his chance? Was that it? Was everything over now?

"Are you crying?"

His head shot up, purple hair falling into shocked golden eyes. He kept his eyes fixed on the lunar sky, feeling his veins pulsating with nerves.

"You are, aren't you?"

His heart quickened faster as he felt a hand grip at one of his wrists. He whipped his head around instinctively, to see a set black stare fixed into his eyes. He knew it well – it was Horo.

Horo did not release his grip on Ren's arm, even as Ren struggled against it. But he was weakened by the shock, and was unable to pull his hand free.

"What's up?" he asked, with concern in his voice.

Ren stared back at him with empty eyes. For a moment, he said nothing, tears still streaming. As he scanned over the Ainu's soft features – azure hair, gentle eyes that shone with worry, perfect lips… - he felt it. He knew his love was true. He wanted to be nearer, in his arms, to cry, to _feel_ how love really was… he was a fool for thinking he ever hated him.

"Did you… read it then?" Horo dared.

"What…?" Ren managed to breathe, confused.

"The letter I gave you yesterday," Horo watched Ren's expression as perplexity spread his face. "…I guess you didn't."

Ren shook his head slowly. Then his mind flicked back to the previous day – _that shopping list? _

"I thought it was…" Ren trailed off.

"I figured you wouldn't read it," Horo almost laughed, though sorrow was in his eyes too.

Again everything fell silent. The two stood there, alone in the darkened kitchen, Ren's wrist still in Horo's hand. Nothing happened – the two just stayed there, raptured in each other's eyes.

Ren's urges grabbed him, making everything but Horo fall away from around him, making him want - _need _– to get closer.

"So… I guess you didn't get what I've been trying to tell you," Horo murmured.

Ren shook his head, seeing no other answer to a question he did not understand.

"I needed to tell you before I go… how I really feel about you."

Ren saw Horo's cheeks flush red, and his gaze dropped, before he carefully leant closer to his ear, and whispered, "I love you, Ren."

That was all it took. Ren literally collapsed into Horo's chest, where strong arms caught him, holding him close.

He could feel Horo's heart beat against his skin, hardly able to believe what he was feeling. Everything was silent between them as the words lingered, until Horo let out a nervous laugh and pulled Ren tighter still. "It's funny, I thought you were gonna kick the crap out of me for saying that…"

"Horo, I… I wanted to tell you the same thing… I love you, Horokeu…"

Horo put a gentle hand under Ren's chin, lifting his head so they had eye contact. With a soft finger, he brushed away the tears that stained Ren's cheeks.

"I thought I'd never get to hear you say that," Horo smiled.

Feeling his hands trembling, Ren gripped Horo's fingers in his own, breath stolen by the moment.

A sound on the floorboards from upstairs made Ren nearly pull his hands away, but Horo's grip kept them there. "Come on, let's not stay here." A second later, Horo was tugging Ren gently by the hand towards the stairs. Before Ren knew it, they were stepping into Horo's room, under the cover of darkness.

Horo's room was equally dark. Ren realised how different it looked by night – but regardless, this place still felt as special to him. He could hardly believe he was standing in there now, hand-in-hand with the one he loved. Turning to his left, he saw Horo's face, soft skin flecked out by the moonlight, a loving smile on his lips. He felt himself being pulled forwards again by Horo. The two soon reached Horo's bed, having stepped over bags that Horo had packed for his journey the next day – bags that meant nothing to Ren now, all thoughts of Horo's leaving drained from his mind as he sat down on the bed with his love.

He couldn't hold back his questions any longer. "Horo… how long?" he asked, unsurely.

Horo replied with a shake of his head. "As long as I can remember…"

Ren could see a slight flush of red in Horo's cheeks picked out by the moonlight.

"And that letter of yours…"

"You don't need to apologise," Horo interrupted. "I knew you wouldn't read it anyway."

"What… did it say?" he dared.

"Nothing I haven't said already," Horo shrugged.

Unable to think of anything to say, Ren reached out a trembling right hand to clutch Horo's left. He closed his eyes, everything falling away at this mere touch.

He felt Horo's other hand touch the side of his face, brushing dark purple hair from his eyes. "You know, it's getting late," he heard Horo say, focused solely on the hand lightly brushing his cheek. "Maybe we should sleep."

_He has to leave early tomorrow. _The thought barely even crossed Ren's mind – he did not take it in. All he was focused on now was Horo, no concern over what tomorrow would bring.

Nothing had ever felt more right to him as he lay there with the one he loved, in the bed he has slept in just a few days before, alone. His mind felt blank and numb with serenity as he felt himself slip into sleep, Horo's fingers entwined with his.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ I hope you enjoyed the two chapters, andI'll make sure to update soon!  
Oh, and for anyone who's interested, I wrote a random RenxHoro poem that I put up here on I'm looking for some feedback as to whether I should carry on with peoms or not. It's called 'Entwined' if you wanna take a look! Thanks everyone! 


	10. Nothing

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry about the long wait, but thanks for bearing with me. Anyways... as you can see, here's the next chapter! I can't believe how short they are around this part... so again, due to that, I've put two chapters up again. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

He came awake sharply.

Glancing the window in the corner of his eye, he saw the sky was stained with the red light of dawn. It was very early yet.

His eyes dropped to the place beside him, and his hand stretched out, open and empty.

He shot up. _Horo…_

The thoughts came back in one painful wave.

_He has to leave early tomorrow…_

_The last time you'll see him…_

_Gone for good…_

Eyes span to the floor to see the bags that had been there the previous night had gone, along with Horo himself.

He sank to his knees on the wooden floor, heart pulsating with disbelief. Last night… last night he had had everything – today, he was left with nothing. He had almost hoped that what occurred between the two of them that night had been enough to make Horo stay. What he had forgotten was that tribal customs do not make way for trivial things such as love.

Although Ren had known for a while now that this was coming, it seemed somewhat worse now than what he had originally prepared himself for. Having lost all hope of telling Horo how he felt, Ren knew what faced him was denial, shame and sorrow. As terrible as it may have seemed, Ren had almost grown _used_ to this idea. He was just too aware of the fact that he was going to have to live with those feelings; wasn't it much easier just to accept and try to overcome them? But now, Ren was caught off-guard – finding out Horo's true feelings made things so much harder on him. The emotions he was experiencing now were so much more painful… an intense longing burned bright in his soul, a thousand more questions were on the tip of his tongue, and his body just seemed to ache with sorrow.

The previous night seemed like a memory from forever ago, though Ren could still feel Horo close to him. Instinctively, Ren glanced up to the bed upon which they had both slept.

He noticed something that he must have missed in his despair. Standing up to examine it, he saw that it was small, and made from wood. _An Ikupasui…_

He took it in his hand, a small smile crossing his face despite himself. He sat down on the floor once again, eyes fixed on the beautiful marks in the wood. He knew this one was newer than the ones he had seen before – the carvings looked fresher, and… different. He could make out characters from the Ainu language, though he could not understand them. And in the centre of the Ikupasui was a carefully carved heart design. That seemed to say everything to Ren – he knew what the Ikupasui symbolized, even if he could not speak in tribal tongues.

Ren clutched the charm to his heart, thinking of the love that had left him, but had forever left an indelible mark in his soul.


	11. Awaiting

Horo looked down at the traditional white clothes that he was wearing for the ceremony and sighed to himself. He supposed it would only be a few minutes now before it all began. The music had already started – rhythmic drumbeats laced with gentle flute melodies. He could hear the small crowd, gathered outside, talking and whispering excitably. As a child, these kind of ceremonies had been a cause of great joy for him. There was always something new happening, everyone dressed in their finest garments and all in the village were filled with happiness.

Now, the ceremony seemed to have lost its flare. He found them now to be quite tedious.

Being in Funbari Onsen for so long, he had gained a new sense of fun. He loved to be with his friends, laughing and joking along with them, trash-talking, play-fighting and eating way much more than they could handle. He smiled to himself as he thought of the good old times.

But that night – two nights ago now – had been incredible to him, more amazing than any ceremony ever could be. He had finally gotten what he wanted – the person he longed for… he thought of Ren and his heart lightened. He could still taste the kiss he had placed on Ren's lips as he had left that morning. He remembered putting his hand-made Ikupasui down beside Ren's sleeping body, and taking one last glance over his peaceful face before leaving. He had begun to miss him before he had even left the Onsen.

Abruptly, the music came to a stop, and he heard the voice of one of the elders addressing the crowd. With one final sigh, he left the hut, knowing it was time.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_ Again, my apologies for such short chapters. I'll make sure to update again soon! 


	12. My Advice

**_Author's Note: _**Happy new year, all my readers! I thought I'd start off 2006 with another 2 chapter update before I go back to school... Well, the next two chapters are quite important to the story, so I hope you enjoy them!  
Oh... and I'm sorry if Ren seems a little OOC in this chapter. It seemed kind of right to me, but I don't knowhow everyone else will look at it.

* * *

"Hey, Ren." 

Ren barely turned at the sound of his name as he heard footsteps behind him. It was Yoh.

He had been sitting alone in the yard for a few hours, watching the sun set over the rooftops of Funbari, and Yoh had been the first person to approach him yet. He saw Yoh sit down next to him from the corner of his eye.

"It's nice out here tonight, isn't it?"

Ren nodded, silently, golden eyes reflecting the blood red of the setting sun.

Neither spoke for a few moments, until Yoh started, "Ren-"

"I know what you're going to ask, and I already told you; I don't know where he is."

Yoh stayed silent once again, after being cut short so suddenly.

Ren felt a little uneasy when Yoh said nothing, and hesitated. "What makes you think that _I _would know anything about him, anyway?"

"Because Horo trusts you," Yoh said, simply. "You two are really close."

"We are not!" Ren snapped, feeling his face flushing a little. He was thankful that Yoh's eyes hadn't shifted from the sunset.

Yoh let out a knowing laugh, and stood up beside Ren. Perhaps he realised he was chasing a lost cause? He put a hand on the shoulder of the Chinese.

"'If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never meant to be'. I think that's how the saying goes. Maybe you should think about it."

Ren's eyes widened. "And you're trying to tell me that I _care _about that baka Ainu!"

"I know deep down, Ren," Yoh said, gently, hand still on his friend's shoulder. "You care quite a lot."

Ren felt his heart pound against his chest as he heard Yoh's piece of advice. He was silent for a moment, Yoh's words still reeling around his mind. Casting his eyes to floor, he managed, "But aren't those words just comfort for an aching heart?"

"What do you mean?"

"People say it to make others feel better. If they have lost someone in these sorts of circumstances, if the person that means everything to them never returns, they will just convince themselves, 'then it was never meant to be'. They surrender all their hope to simple words," Ren was surprised at how deep his own words sounded. He guessed it wouldn't be hard for Yoh to guess his feelings now – but for some reason, he was beyond caring.

"What I'm trying to say is; Horo will come back, wherever he has gone. Because things like this are meant to be," Yoh said, before turning and heading back into the inn, deciding Ren needed some time alone.

"But what can I do against tradition?" Ren muttered to himself, gazing still as the sun disappeared below the buildings, wondering how Horo was doing, so far away from him.


	13. You've Changed So Much

"Onii-chan?"

Horo turned his head to the door of the hut to see his sister entering.

"What's up, Pirika?" he asked, putting down the woodcarving he had just been crafting. Another Ikupasui – nothing special.

"Are you… okay? You've been really quiet since we got here," Pirika's eyes were shining with worry for her brother.

He gave an agitated sigh, as though he was tired of being asked the same question. He returned to his tools and began working again.

Pirika watched him with concerned eyes. Ever since coming back to their hometown, Horo had seemed preoccupied with something far from him. Even during the ceremony he had seemed almost distant. Their family had grown increasingly worried about him, and Pirika had decided that the best way to find out was to talk with him directly.

"You know, it's just finished snowing outside. I bet all the snowboarding spots haven't been touched yet. You should go see!" she tried.

Horo just shook his head slowly, long curls of wood falling to the ground as he carved them away. "I gotta patch up my snowboard. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Well… father said we'd be having a feast tonight. You haven't eaten all day, so maybe you should come," she tried again.

"I'll cook myself something up later."

She looked at her brother with an anxious expression. His face was set with concentration as he sat cross-legged on the floor, chipping away at a block of wood with his hand-made tools.

"Onii-chan… do you miss him?"

Horo glanced up at the sudden question, chipping a mistake into his craft. It fell to the floor with a hollow thud. "What…?"

"Ren," she said, simply. She was almost afraid of her own question. "Do you miss him?"

Horo's mixed expression of fury and sorrow cast quickly to the ground. "What do you mean?"

Pirika dropped to her knees beside her brother. "You know what I'm asking you," she said, almost sternly. Horo met her gaze, and saw the look in her eyes that made her seem almost motherly. And like a mother, his sister knew how to read him well. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide the truth from her, even if she seemed to know it already.

"Maybe I do…" he answered, cryptically, picking up his wooden charm from the floor.

She put a caring hand on top of his. "Could you try talking to me? I don't want you dealing with this on your own."

He looked from her hand upon his, to her tearful eyes. For a moment, neither sibling moved, until Horo reached forward and pulled Pirika close to him. He buried his face in her azure hair, feeling so close to her that they were more one person than two. His sister meant the world to him.

"It can make it easier… if you say it," she whispered to him.

"You mean… how I feel?"

"Yes, how you feel… tell me, Onii-chan; what do you feel for Ren?"

"I… I love him, Pirika."

He felt her arms clutch him closer as he breathed out a heavy breath. He felt somehow lightened, like those three words had been weighing his shoulders down. Telling Pirika somehow always made situations feel better.

"Then… I think you know where you're needed most, don't you?" she said.

"But… what about you?" he asked, pulling away slightly so he could see her face. Her eyes seemed sure.

"I'll be just fine. You needn't think I always need you around to protect me, you know," she smiled.

Casting her eyes over the white and silver robes his sister was dressed in, over her determined eyes framed with mature features, to the symbol of the Ainu council on her headband, he realised just how far his sister had come in such a short space of time. Now she seemed much older and wiser than him. He felt pride in her well up inside him, and he beamed to her.

"Thank you," he said, squeezing her hand tighter in his. "You always have the best advice."

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**Only one chapter remains, and then Lose You Forever isdone :(  
I'll put up the final chapter soon, until then, any reviews would be appreciated. Thanks so much! 


	14. Meant to Be

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry this one took me a while to put up. This is the final chapter, and my original ending sucked a little, so I rewrote it ;)  
I hope you enjoy the conclusion!

* * *

Staring down into the empty milk bottle with an annoyed expression on his face, he was alone in the Onsen. 

They had all left on another of those outings – 'bonding time' he could imagine Yoh calling it. He, of course, had refused them. He doubted he would have wanted to go under any _normal_ circumstances, but it seemed that since Horo had left, he had wanted less and less to spend time with the others. He had lost his enthusiasm lately, not even being able to train as he used to. And either the others didn't notice this change in him, or they were choosing not to say anything out of respect for Ren's pride. Yet, he noted, they still found the time to badger him regarding Horo's whereabouts. All of them seemed convinced he knew – but he wasn't going to say anything. Telling them where Horo had gone, and what had now happened to him made it seem so final… as though Ren had made it happen just by speaking the words.

In his boredom, he began spinning the bottle around on the table, listening only to the sound of the clock that ticked away into the silent room. All this behaviour was very unlike him, and he hadn't expected things to be this hard. The last night the two of them had spent together made it all the more worse. Ren had prepared himself for Horo's departure, however unwillingly, and was ready to face whatever feelings came afterwards. He expected to have to fight with his own emotions, having never had the chance to tell the Ainu how he _really _felt. But this was far from how it happened. Knowing now that his feelings weren't futile… that there really was the opportunity for something between them… those thoughts were much, much harder to deal with. Those were the missed opportunities he had to work on letting go of now.

And it wasn't like the thought of just packing up and leaving after Horo hadn't crossed his mind – it was only when he began to mentally plan out his journey did he realise he had no idea of where to go to reach Horo's hometown, leaving him to sit around the Onsen like a puppy who had lost its owner every day for an entire week now.

"Baka Ainu…" Ren cursed under his breath. He hated the thought that someone was making him feel this way, so unlike himself, lost and pathetic. And besides, wasn't it so much easier just to hate him now, rather than to dwell on his feelings for him? Though Ren wasn't surprised that thinking this way had very little effect.

A sudden voice broke his chain of thought.

"What was that you called me?"

His back stiffened sharply. Someone was there? The others couldn't be back yet… could they?

Yet that voice… so full of cheer and so… familiar.

He was on his feet before he even managed to turn his head, sending the empty milk bottle flying off the table, to land on the floor with an echoing thud.

Someone stood in the doorway. Someone… he never thought he'd see again.

The face of the person stretched with a friendly smile, and they raised a hand in greeting. "Hey there, Ren."

He stood. Unable to speak. Unable to move. "You…" he breathed, fists beginning to clench in rage. A week's worth of agitation was boiling up inside of him, making him tremble with fury.

The person just stood there, confused at Ren's angry greeting. "Uh… Ren?"

"Baka Ainu!" Ren yelled out, hurling a fist straight at them.

The person that caught him, was Horohoro. Catching Ren's fist in his hand, he laughed, using Ren's moment of surprise as a chance to pull him close. He found no tension in Ren's body – he found only weakness, as Ren fell into his chest, crying.

Horo wrapped his arms around him, smiling, caught unawares by the unexpected welcoming of the Chinese. "You could at least be happy to see me." He taunted.

Ren pushed him – forcefully, but not enough to push him away. "Baka…" he muttered. "Can't you tell that I am?"

The Ainu laughed gently. "You sure have one weird way of showing it."

Ren pulled away a little, to see the face of the one person that meant so much to him. "Why are you here?" he demanded, almost furious. "What happened to having to stay in Hokkaido? What happened to being an elder for your tribe?"

Horo blinked at him with innocent eyes. "I said that?"

"Damn right you said that!" Ren cried, landing a somewhat weak punch on Horo's shoulder.

The Ainu laughed again, putting his face closer to Ren's. "It sounds to me like you got the wrong idea."

"What…?" Ren's eyes went wide.

"I never said I was gonna become the next elder."

"But you… you said that you were going away, and had to stay there to serve the council… It was your family's turn to provide an elder, you said!"

Horo's obsidian eyes fell to the floor. "It wasn't me… that was chosen, Ren."

"Then who was!" Ren exclaimed.

"Pirika," Horo answered simply, his voice down-tone. "She was the next one elected to the council."

Ren's eyes shot wide. "You mean to tell me… that all this time… then why were you so down about leaving, if you knew you were coming back!"

"The truth is… I kind of wanted that position. Sure, I'm happy for Pirika, and I'm proud of her, but… it makes you kinda jealous." Horo lifted his head to give a guilty smile.

"So why did _you_ leave? Only Pirika had to be there, didn't she?"

"I had to be there for her during the ceremony, at least. I only planned to stay a couple of weeks up home to support her. But, she noticed I was feeling down, and sent me home early. She acts the more mature of us two sometimes, I'm sure of it." Horo shrugged, a grin echoing through his words. "She knew where I wanted to be."

He leaned a little closer, black eyes fixed in gold, his lips just brushing Ren's. "Here with you."

"I missed you…" Ren breathed.

"And I missed _you_." Horo said, truthfully.

"Just tell me you're back to stay."

"I am. I promise that, Ren. I don't want to spend another day away from you if I can help it."

"Thank you, Horokeu…"

"You don't need to thank me for anything."

And finally, their lips touched in a kiss that had been denied for too long.

As the kiss deepened, Ren found himself thinking of words Yoh had spoken to him only a few days earlier.

Maybe things like this… really were meant to be?

* * *

Emily Nash-Medlyn (Lysha) 

Thursday 6th October 2005 – Wednesday 9th November 2005

* * *

**_Author's Note: _**Ohmigosh, I've never put so much fluff in one chapter XD  
I hope you guys didn't mind the fluff-overload - I thought it worked kinda well ;)  
Anyway... that's all for Lose You Forever! It's finally been finished. Thank you so much to all of you who have supported me during this and have made this my most popularwork of fanfictionyet. If I could ask you just to support me one last time, and leave me a review for this chapter, I would be very grateful!  
Best wishes, everyone! 


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